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Interview—Jason Crombie
Written by Max Olijnyk — 4th June 2015

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Jason Crombie is the editor-in-chief at Monster Children(1) and that’s great, but he’s also the editor of his own ace interview magazine: Wooooo.(2) We miss Wooooo and enjoy reminding Jason of this fact.

We ordered a stack of your magazines, like, a year ago. So where are our Wooooos, Jason?
Ask your local postmaster. I sent them the day the order came in. I distinctly remember taping up the box and writing your name and address on it with a Sharpie: Max Ojer-ma-link, c/o Melbourne 3000. And it was a warm day, as I recall, and I was wearing shorts and an INXS t-shirt.

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Did you just forget, or is there more to this whole thing?
The truth is I’m a little embarrassed of old issues of Wooooo. Not because they suck or anything, but because I can see what I could’ve done better. I’m my own worst critic. It’s crippling. I have difficulty getting things done because I know I’ll never be 100% happy with the result. Ever. I’m seeing an analyst about it. Anyway, yeah, I forgot your mags.

Is it true you left a bunch of your back issues in a dumpster somewhere in New York?
Yup. I overprinted the last two issues—too ambitious. I got stuck with a few thousand copies and had to pay $200 per month to store them. It was stupid. They were just sitting there. So I kept one hundred of each issue and tossed the rest out. A friend and I were going to take them upstate and film a promo featuring a big pagan bonfire scenario with naked witches dancing and throwing issues on the fire, but then we decided that was completely ridiculous. So I trashed them.

Why didn’t you just send them to us?
Because it would’ve cost me an arm and a fucking leg, Max. Postage prices are absurd. Someone sent me a bag of musk sticks last month and it cost them twenty Australian dollars. That’s just wrong, Australia Post. The USPS rates aren’t much better. When someone outside of the States orders a copy of Wooooo, it costs more than the mag for me to send it. Absurd.

Why do you hate the post office so much?
I don’t hate the post office. I used to hate it, but I recently figured out a way to make it more enjoyable: I flirt my dick off. I basically become a Dixie whore, which is new to me because I’ve never been much of a flirt. I once met a woman in her late forties who was an amazing flirt. It was at a party. She wasn’t much to look at—greying hair, frumpy figure, teeth like peanuts set in toffee—but when she turned on the charm it gave you wobbly knees. She was amazing. Turns out she was a sex therapist. Anyway, I employ what skills I gleaned from that meeting when I go to buy stamps, and now I look forward to the post office.

Brodie’s Wooooo badge fell off her denim jacket. Can you send us some more?
Sorry, Brodie. That’s actually a thing. I have to get some of those rubber pin clasps. The metal ones suck. Yeah, I can send more. Let me suss out those pin backs. I give those away with copies of the mag now. So if you paid for a mag and a pin—sorry! You could’ve got both for the price of the mag. I’m making some other cool Wooooo merch to run with the next issue. I actually wanted to make some of those stripper pens but with me in it, but it was too expensive, egocentric, hairy, out-of-shape and gross.

Is being one of our favourite writers a heavy cross to bear?
It’s not my fault you don’t read enough to know there are about three hundred million better writers in the world. But thank you for saying I’m one of your favourite writers—very flattering. Retarded, but flattering. Speaking of favourite writers, I just read Tony Martin’s three books twice in a row. Christ he’s funny. If you haven’t checked out Scarcely Relevant, Lolly Scramble and A Nest of Occasionals—do. Tony should write a new book every year by law. Jon Ronson’s new one is good too: So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed. Since you asked, I’m also re-reading a book I was obsessed with as a boy: My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George. When I was ten or eleven I went through a stage where I’d get to the final page and then go right back to the beginning. Happy to say it holds up twenty-something years later.

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Can you send us those Wooooos already?
I just taped up the box and wrote your name and address on it with a Sharpie: Max Ojer-ma-link, c/o Melbourne 3000. And it is a warm day, and I am wearing an INXS t-shirt.

How’s that Monster Children magazine going?
Really good, actually. We just went to Japan for our Global Issue, which is out in June. We have another Guest Editor issue after that, which is insane; you won’t believe who the guest ed is. And then we have the annual end-of-year Bumper Issue, which will also be very good. Can I take this opportunity to tell the readers I don’t run the Monster Children Instagram? I don’t. My Insta is @burritodick,(4) although it looks more like a dim sim.

When’s the next Wooooo coming out?
I swear this year. I’ve started it; it’s happening. Although I’ll be printing a lot less this time. It’ll be a limited-edition deal. Storing magazines in this squashed city is a drag. So it’ll be limited-edition—maybe one thousand copies or something. Not sure. But I won’t be renting a storage space for the fuckers.

We miss you! Why don’t you move back here already?
Miss you guys too. And I will move back! I just need to take care of some stuff here first.

An edited version of this interview was originally printed in The Good Copy Gazette Issue One, which is available from our shop for the princely sum of nothing.